if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!