I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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