i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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