doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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