? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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