yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
