All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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