apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
