the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
