She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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