she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
