if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
