The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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