there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
