I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
