That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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