so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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