Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
