My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
