The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
