I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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