dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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