Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize