My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I still have a little drunk in my system
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
