Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
