you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
