dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
