I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
