I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
