Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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