i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
