All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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