kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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