Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
