He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
