I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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