pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize