You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
