I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
