hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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