Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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