I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My hand turned me down
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
