I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When did angry sex become our thing?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
