I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
