It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
