My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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