Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You have to summon your inner elephant
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
