i just wanna soil my oats bro
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
