My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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