my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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