Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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