Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
