we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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