the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
