I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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