The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
