i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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