So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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