We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
