I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
