paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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