You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
