Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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