im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
