We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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