I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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