i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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