I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
His nipple licking is glorious
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