bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Operation Purity has been aborted
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
