Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize